Liveblog: Superman/Shazam: The Return of Black Adam

I'm not using this blog for anything productive, so how about something completely juvenile and self-interested? My facebook liveblog during the Silverhawks movie was legendary (among the eleven people who read it) so why not try it all up on the blogger? Special thanks to Netflix Streaming for making this possible.
Ready, set, go!

*After the standard DC logo there's a pointless title sequence zoom through a comic book store which A: is only carrying DC comics and B: appears, if you pause it at 38 seconds, to have Conan O'Brien reading DC Showcase #55, featuring Dr. Fate and Hourman fighting Solomon Grundy. Lots of bizarre comics appear in this weird title crawl that don't really have relevance to Superman, the Captain Marvel family, or even modern DC in general. Just below Superman/Shazam on the rack is an issue of Kamandi. Less than a minute into the film and I'm already unsure what they're pitching.

*Casting Arnold Vosloo as Black Adam is both awesome and slightly racist (in that Yul Brynner way.) I mean, animation is the one medium where an actor's appearance really shouldn't matter, but Vosloo does play great villains so I'm down with it for now. Sidebar: Speaking of racial miscasting, whatever happened to Fisher Stevens?

*A second look at the title of the film, in case you missed it the first time. No seriously you guys, this is the return of Black Adam. Did you see how he just murdered all the teenagers at lookout point? He's so hardcore you guys! Seriously, and Superman and Captain Marvel are in this movie too! Truth and Justice, everybody.

*Billy Batson's Superman T-Shirt is a cool nod to the interplay in the comic series, but what is wrong with Fawcett City that a homeless kid squatting in a large, empty third floor apartment (with hardwood floors and no plumbing problems) goes completely unnoticed? Also that bag of bread looks like a liquor bottle at first glance. I had to watch the scene twice just to get it. I think the animators could be a little more cognizant of that.

*The cheery pizzicato strings are doing their damnedest to underscore Billy's unreasonably chipper mood, but they just seem out of place. I guess if I were going to a free pancake breakfast I'd be in a good mood too, though.

*Nice to see Billy flirting with his local hooker.

*Apparently your average Fawcett City alleyway is thirty feet wide, seventy feet long, and all the graffiti is painted by people who are twelve feet tall.

*God, that's some ham-fisted writing/animating. The buck toothed punk whose bling says "Foolish" openly professes that he's stealing money to buy beer.

*That black homeless dude is totally Tawky Tawny in disguise. I wonder how long that will take to come out.

*George Newbern has officially replaced Tim Daly as the voice I expect to hear coming out of Superman's mouth. They're quite similar, but Newbern just has a bit more character to his delivery, it captures Superman's slightly pedantic innocence a little bit better.

*I love that Clark is doing real journalism for a change, and a piece on the child homelessness problem in Fawcett City, is deeper than his usual fare, but this is the kind of thing where you go "hey, wouldn't Superman actually be better equipped to raise awareness of this issue?"

*Billy's little Hard Knock Life monologue could've gone on for two or three more seconds. Same thing with Clark's pep talk. The script is so much in a hurry to get to Black Adam that both moments were shortchanged.

*Dammit Vosloo... he's trying so hard not to be the Evil Arab that he sounds Vaguely Russian. Now all I can think of is Black Adam on the hunt for "Moose and Squirrel."

*Is it just me or did Superman just use tactile telekinesis to ward off Adam's lightning? What is that glowing pink shield thing?

*Convenient twelve story obelisk. Every major metropolis should have one.

*For as direct as Black Adam's personality is, he spends far too long floating with a menacing look when he could be murdering his target.

*Ok the way Billy's hand is animated, Tawky Tawny's glowing subway token REALLY looks like Tawky Tawny's glowing condom. This is the second of Billy's "questionably adult" animation accidents. One more and we get to make up a drinking game.

*Billy got a contact high from the token and is hallucinating.

*End of the line: The Rock of Eternity subway station.

*There is something utterly awesome about the fact that the statues of the seven deadly sins have never been updated, when so much of the Shazam mythology has.

*Poor James Garner. I know they want someone with "presence" to play the Wizard Shazam, but seriously he sounds like he has no idea what is going on. He sounds like Maverick's grandpa.

*This whole bit with Billy figuring out his powers is kinda cheesy, but in a Big Red Cheese sorta way.

*Black Adam having more aerial combat expertise than Superman is a nice touch, especially if this one has been alive for five thousand years.

*God. A hydroelectric dam? Really? Can I call it the Sha-dam?

*Tawky-Tawny, ladies and gentlemen. Let's bluff Black Adam into committing suicide. Truth and Justice, everybody!

*Dead as a Doorknob? Really?



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